Beards

Beards, right. Why? You must be pig ugly to want to cover your face in hair. There's this old fella on the train. He's bald with a long white beard and actually, if you squint, he looks like he's got his head on upsidedown.

Anyway, why do they insist on stroking the fucking thing all the time. It's not that cat from the James Bond films that used to sit on Donald Pleasance's knee. And I bet they all drink guinness or real ale.

It's their work colleagues I feel sorry for. Can you imagine watching on of those sad fuckers eating. As if that weren't bad enough, anyone scruffy enough to have a beard in the first place isn't going to give a fuck about a few bits of food left in there all afternoon.

Listen, just shave the fucking thing off. You look stupid and won't get sex until you do.