Why do they even bother. I'm 41 and can't work one, so why on earth does you're average 59 year old commuter even try?
I've just watched some poor old sod opposite me on the train this morning trying to get to grips with one of the damn things (I suspect it was a present from his middle class, 30-something daughter, who broke free of her Stockport roots, married a has-been footballer, moved to Alderley Edge and never looked back). Doesn't love the old boy enough to drive him to work in the morning, though. Bitch!
Anyway, back to the old bloke. First he opens his Roy Cropper bag and retrieves the thing with all the care, precision and sloth of an archaeologist. This is infuriating to watch.
Then he spends the next 10 minutes trying to untangle the headphone wires with his twisted, bony, pre-arthritic fingers. I'm reminded of Mr Bean for some reason.
A few moments of light relief follow as he carefully places an ear bud into each ear. He repeats this several times because they fall out with every twist, turn and jolt of the now busy Crewe to Manchester Piccadilly commuter train. OK, he's probably just heeding the standard doctors advice ... "Nothing smaller than your elbow should go into your ear" but COME ON!! Just shove the damn things in properly so I can go back to sleep.
That's it. They're in. a slow, satisfied smile spreads across his face. Now begins the search for the on off button. This is painful. Found it! The thing comes to life with a satisfying glow that lights up his face, haggard from the stresses of life. I briefly think they had it right in Logan's Run where everyone dies at 30 to make way for the next generation.
He's just about to search for that familiar Perry Como album artwork when we arrive at Piccadilly. The bloke next to him shoots up, yanking the earphones out of his cauliflower ears.
Give up old man.
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